And, well, sure there are some nice things about the holidays. What with two young kids, I get to relive Christmas through their eyes. It’s nice. But man, there is a lot of stuff about the holidays that annoys the hell out of me. Mostly though, it’s the really effing annoying Holiday music that is inescapable.

Notice how this jolly form of Chinese  water torture begins earlier and earlier every year. When I took my five year old to buy a Halloween costume this year, the  mechanical Goblin in the costume store was singing Jingle Bell Rock — I about lost my shit.

And now, the trend is that some radio stations play Christmas music 24 x 7 all throughout the holiday season. Now this wouldn’t be bad if Christmas music were good. On the contrary, just about all of it is nauseating at best.

Now it’s not ALL bad. I mean I do like The Kinks Christmas song where they sing about stealing Christmas gifts from the rich kids. And I guess the Bruce Springsteen song ( live) is okay. But aside from a few nuggets here and there, I wish it would all go away.

So, without any further ado, here is my list of the 5 absolute worst Christmas songs. These are songs that if I had some magical power, I would banish from the face of the earth forever, never to be heard again.

Here they are, from worse to absolute worse:

#5) “All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”

Are  you serious? Your two front teeth? What kind of bullshit is that? First of all, if you are missing your two front teeth, your likely a hillbilly and Santa ain’t coming your way. Secondly, where in hell  is Santa supposed to get those teeth from? Dumb ass!

#4) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause”

O really? Is Santa looking catch a beatin’? Cause if I saw my mother kissing Santa under the tree, he’s be spitting chiklets.

#3) “GrandMa Got Run Over By A Reindeer”

Just the fact that the average American thinks this song is cute and funny is enough to make me vomit. Take note, this song is not cute and most definitely not funny.

#2) “The Little Drummer Boy”

Forget Pa Rum Pum Pum whatever the hell that means – -By half way through the song I’m screaming Pa shut the fuck up!

#1) “12 Days Of Christmas”

It’s bad enough for many of us that we must suffer one day of Christmas. But this classic adds to the damage with 11 extra days just to piss you off. And what’s this bullshit about “five golden rings”? Are they just trying to make me look bad. I have a hard enough time delivering even one Cubic Z ring.

There you have it. My top five — or bottom five depending how you look at it. By the way, for the record, I did not use any scientific data to determine the worst Christmas songs ever. I simply used my own annoyance meter, so take this poll with a grain of salt.

Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good…